Let me start by saying, Wow, how have I really not posted since January 2, 2020? Part of me is not surprised....2020 has been a total #shitshow. Who wants to document it in writing...but we were getting through it - I mean we are 16 days out. Christmas is almost here!
So why now? What made me come back here to post...mostly to say FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! Fuck cancer! Fuck cancer for coming back. Yup. It is back. Fuck. (sorry if I am offending anyone here - but that is the only word that sums it all up).
I was getting through 2020, like everyone else - well ok, not exactly like everyone else but I was getting through.... 2020 has been filled with: infusions every 8 weeks; Scans every 6 months; working from home for 9 months now (grateful for a job); staying connected to humans and seeing a few people IRL (in real life). Zoomed out and counting down until March 24, 2021 - when I was to have my last scheduled infusion (12 out of 12). Screech....that is not going to work.
Here is what happened.
November 27th, I went for my 6 month scan expecting it to come back clean like the last 3 scans.
On December 2nd, I was having my 10th infusion and asked about my scans. They said that one of the lymph nodes on my neck (that they had been watching) had doubled in size and any time a lymph node measures over 1 CM (I know that seems so small), they have to check it out. If you remember, this all started with a lump in my neck back in December 2018.
December 9th I had an ultrasound and a fine needle aspiration biopsy.
On December 10th, I saw the radiology report show up in my portal (being the doctor that I am not), I reviewed it. I also compared it to the same report from January 15, 2019 - and the language was the same - in fact the report was almost identical with the exception of the lymph node being 2.5 CM now (3.5CM on 1/15/19), and there were multiple abnormal (why be normal) lymph nodes on both side of my neck. This did not make me happy - but I had to wait for confirmation from the real doctor as well as the pathology report.
December 14th, Last night, I got the call from my oncologist. He said, lymphoma is back. [FUCK!] Well, he didn't say the F-word.
So what does that mean? Follicular lymphoma is a non-Hodgkins's lymphoma (NHL). It is a cancer that affects white blood cells called lymphocytes. They help your body fight infections.
"Although many patients can have a remission that lasts many years after their initial treatment for follicular lymphoma (FL) - the disease will return. Typical signs of a relapse include symptoms similar to when you were diagnosed such as new rapidly growing nodes. Relapse is most likely to happen within the first 2 years after treatment."
It likes to comes back (WTF). The plan was to keep it away for 2 years and then the chances of keeping it away for 5-10 years was greater...but it is 2020 - so it came back.
What is next? I go back to the UCLA specialist to get his opinion ( I love that about my local oncologist). I also have to consult with a radiation oncologist, as he thinks that they may be able to treat it with focal radiation. That is as much as I know right now. I am holding it together...what are my choices...
You know....the only way out is through - so this warrior is going to fight her way out. You can expect more frequent updates, if for no other reason, for me to get it out - and document this #livelifedetour.
Prayers, good vibes, healing thoughts, magic and miracles are all welcome. 💚💚💚
