I Made it Out!

My mantra for the past 7 months has been "the only way out is through," and today I am happy to announce that I made it out!! Cancer Free Today!

I MADE IT OUT!

So, if you have been following along you know yesterday was a BIG DAY! Seven weeks after my last chemo treatment I had a PETscan. The scan itself is really not a big deal, other than you have to fast, which means no morning coffee, but all in all - a little radioactive tracer into your bloodstream, an hour in a dark, cold room to marinate, and then 12 minutes in the tube - DONE.  The hardest part of the day was waiting, waiting to hear from the doctor.  Luckily, at 5:18 pm I got the call. He said I got your scan results. The report says "no signs of disease!!!" and he followed with "complete response to the chemo, do you have any questions?"  I said, "does that mean I am in remission?" He paused and said, "I guess you could say that." - I thought you guess?? Ok - I am going with "I am in remission!!" No sign of the disease and complete response to chemo also work for me!! Can you say "CANCER FREE?" - I am so excited! Really in shock, although I said I would stand for nothing less, I was scared to know the outcome. Scared that if I wasn't in remission that I would not be able to handle it (although we all know I would). The great news is I don't have to worry about that anymore.

So, what is next? Celebrating, of course! Travel, of course. and... my maintenance infusions- they start next week (and every 8 weeks after that for 2 years) - which means, tomorrow I give blood and next week, I hook up to an IV for 4 hours and get Rituxan pumped into my body. I cannot lie, I wish I did not have to put more drugs into my body - but this is to keep cancer AWAY. So I have no choice, as that shit is not welcomed back in my blood or anywhere in my body for that matter! Once I get through next week and see how my body reacts to just the Rituxan, I think I will be even more excited to move on from this #livelifedetour. 

For now, I am just smiling. So happy to be cancer free. So blessed to have had it so easy (as easy as 6 rounds of aggressive chemo for Stage 4 cancer can be). But I know, it could have been worse. So grateful for my army of people (family, friends and colleagues) that showed up every day in every way to show that they were there for me. Cheering me on, sending love, hugs, and positive vibes! I really would not have made it through without all of you! Yay!!!

#kickedcancersass, #backtolivinglifeagain, #warrior, #grateful, #blessed, #imadeitout

From 0 to 60 in 6 Weeks

Thinking back to the last 6 weeks since my last round of chemo, I really went from 0 to 60.

• That first week (realizing chemo was really over) I was so happy that I walked around like I felt better than I really did - just high on the reality of no more chemo!!! I still moved at a slower pace and got 3 more Zarxio shots that week.  
• Two weeks after, I started to get back into the groove - I celebrated my birthday, got my port surgically removed and went to Laguna Beach for a sister's weekend. 
• Week Three: I returned to the gym, went back to working full time and teaching summer session at CSUF.  This was the week I also found myself super angry about having cancer. I took action (haha) - I unfollowed any support group or person that I had followed on social media and put all my cancer books, blankets, and tanks away - I really wanted to burn them all. I did not want to identify myself as someone with cancer. I know this sounds silly - no getting around it - but I wanted to have my life back- and the word cancer stripped from my vocabulary. Obviously, this was not possible and walking around with peach fuzz on my head was a dead give away.
• Week Four: Still angry but realizing I had to get over that - I focused on work and the gym. I gained some weight from the prednisone and chemo - and sitting on my ass for the last couple of months. This also annoys me. I want my fit body back now. 
• Week Five: Still dealing with so many emotions - happiness, vulnerability, frustration, uncertainty, anger, and excitment, to name a few. I feel blessed to have gotten through 6 rounds of chemo and come back so strong. Many of my friends and family worried about my 0 to 60 mindset and thought I was overdoing it - but mentally - I needed that. I had to get back to living. What was going to happen to me? I would get tired? Full speed ahead to the best of my ability.
• Here we are, entering Week Six - I am anxious - one week from today (July 8th), I will have my PETscan to find out exactly how well the chemo worked (remember we are not accepting anything other than 100% remission). I am still struggling to lose the weight - I know 8 pounds - is nothing - but it is driving me crazy - my body is holding on to it like it still needs it - trust me - let it go - we will all be happier - haha. July 17th is the first maintenance infusion of Rituxan (every 8 weeks for 2 years) - side effects should be minimal - maybe 1 - 2 days of fatigue. July is slower at work and a time for me to enjoy getting healthy. I am working on that.

I keep hearing things that I really need to remember as I go into the next 6 months of this year:

1. I just battled cancer.
2. I should not be so hard on myself.
3. Be where you are and be ok with it.
4. My path will reveal itself.
5. Be ok with the process.
6. Enjoy the moments. 

I will update you all next week, with the great news and we can all celebrate together! 

For now, I will work on remembering to enjoy the process and the fact that I look like a chia pet. 😂😂😂