Thinking back to the last 6 weeks since my last round of chemo, I really went from 0 to 60.
- That first week (realizing chemo was really over) I was so happy that I walked around like I felt better than I really did - just high on the reality of no more chemo!!! I still moved at a slower pace and got 3 more Zarxio shots that week.
- Two weeks after, I started to get back into the groove - I celebrated my birthday, got my port surgically removed and went to Laguna Beach for a sister's weekend.
- Week Three: I returned to the gym, went back to working full time and teaching summer session at CSUF. This was the week I also found myself super angry about having cancer. I took action (haha) - I unfollowed any support group or person that I had followed on social media and put all my cancer books, blankets, and tanks away - I really wanted to burn them all. I did not want to identify myself as someone with cancer. I know this sounds silly - no getting around it - but I wanted to have my life back- and the word cancer stripped from my vocabulary. Obviously, this was not possible and walking around with peach fuzz on my head was a dead give away.
- Week Four: Still angry but realizing I had to get over that - I focused on work and the gym. I gained some weight from the prednisone and chemo - and sitting on my ass for the last couple of months. This also annoys me. I want my fit body back now.
- Week Five: Still dealing with so many emotions - happiness, vulnerability, frustration, uncertainty, anger, and excitment, to name a few. I feel blessed to have gotten through 6 rounds of chemo and come back so strong. Many of my friends and family worried about my 0 to 60 mindset and thought I was overdoing it - but mentally - I needed that. I had to get back to living. What was going to happen to me? I would get tired? Full speed ahead to the best of my ability.
- Here we are, entering Week Six - I am anxious - one week from today (July 8th), I will have my PETscan to find out exactly how well the chemo worked (remember we are not accepting anything other than 100% remission). I am still struggling to lose the weight - I know 8 pounds - is nothing - but it is driving me crazy - my body is holding on to it like it still needs it - trust me - let it go - we will all be happier - haha. July 17th is the first maintenance infusion of Rituxan (every 8 weeks for 2 years) - side effects should be minimal - maybe 1 - 2 days of fatigue. July is slower at work and a time for me to enjoy getting healthy. I am working on that.
I keep hearing things that I really need to remember as I go into the next 6 months of this year:
- I just battled cancer.
- I should not be so hard on myself.
- Be where you are and be ok with it.
- My path will reveal itself.
- Be ok with the process.
- Enjoy the moments.
I will update you all next week, with the great news and we can all celebrate together!
For now, I will work on remembering to enjoy the process and the fact that I look like a chia pet. 😂😂😂
Looking forward to hearing only great news!! And, yes, give yourself a break!! You look awesome!!💕
ReplyDeleteThanks Bernadette! ❤️❤️
DeleteI wish I lived closer. Reading this gave me all sorts of emotions and I just want to hug you. You are AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ellen. I will settle for a virtual hug. ❤️❤️Enjoy your summer.
DeleteJenith you’re amazing!❤️ Looking forward to celebrating good news for you! If you are 8lbs up it’s not showing AT ALL, you look like you’ve never given the gym a rest!! Enjoy life today ❤️🌞
ReplyDeleteAww. Thanks Joanie! Of course, I see every pound. 😂😂😂
DeleteYou rock, Jennith!!!♥️
ReplyDeleteThanks Geoffrey!
Deletelove you - need a Gus fix soon! :-)
ReplyDelete