1 Week/19 Days - The only Way Out is Through...

So here we are... 1-week post-Chemo Cycle 1 - and 19 Days with Mom in hospital.  I will not lie, the last week has been rough - I felt like a truck ran me over and just kept rolling over me every day. It is humbling, annoying and frustrating to go from being super active, in the gym 5 days a week,  working 2 jobs, traveling, living life, and then all of a sudden, you have to rest between the house and the mailbox (WTF). The fatigue and nausea are awful and the overall crappy feeling. But each day, I wake up thinking today is the day! Today, I will feel better. I go through the motions. I make the coffee, feed the dogs, make some breakfast and sit to watch the news...unlike a typical morning, these past few days, the dogs get two breakfasts, the coffee goes in the sink and I end up vertically on the couch. But yesterday, I thought, what if this is the new normal? On our way to the hospital, we picked Nick up from his college class (I love that) and Dana asked me if I had seen the view? I had not, but to see it, we had to walk a huge flight of stairs (normally, I would have taken them two at a time and raced her) but instead, I said "let's go - if I can't make it we will rest or turn around (the new normal).  We did it, I made it and the view was amazing. I enjoyed that moment, felt the sun on my face, and had a good laugh with my sister. Sometimes, going slow is not so bad,

Today, my mom is supposed to get discharged from the hospital. She is not capable of living alone at this point. She needs 24/7 supervision and is a "fall risk" - she will go stay at Dana's for a week or two and then we will re-evaluate. Our goal and hers is to get her back to independent living. Send the prayers please....February is another long month.

The Part of the Story we haven't shared....

What I left out of this story, is that through this all...the waiting and procedures and nausea....I flew to NYC on January 17th to take a quick last trip to my happy place before I couldn't travel for a while (and it was already scheduled). I left on a Thursday and as usual, my mom was staying at my house with the pups. I texted her in the morning and knew she had made it to my house. I landed at 2pm EST and let her know, then texted later, and again later. As the night went, I started to get worried but figured I was just worrying for no reason. By the morning, I was worried enough to ask the neighbors to go over and knock, thinking they would wake the dogs and thus my mom. Unfortunately, that was not the case. My mom had had a significant stroke on Thursday, which started (our best guess) around 11am - and she got to the hospital the following morning around 7am. It breaks my heart to know she laid there for so long. We had miraculous doctors and they performed nothing short of a miracle. Today marks 18 days in the hospital. But for someone who was supposed to be dead, then paralyzed and perhaps never talking again - she proved them all wrong! She is walking, talking and very much alive. She is weak on her right side (luckily a left-hander), has expressive aphasia and apraxia but is making steady progress every day.  My sister and I are amazed and we all cannot believe this all happened within a 2 week period. We are very strong women and will get through this because what else do you do - but I am not going to say, it has not been a rough month. My sister is truly my superpower and with the two of us - has a lot on her plate. My mom will live with her for a while when she is discharged this Wednesday with hopes that she will be able to live independently again one day soon. It is a crazy, mixed up world - count your blessings every day and live your life! and if you wouldn't mind....add my mom to your prayers.

January was a crazy month.

Many have said, how did you know? You are so healthy, so fit. How could you have cancer? I know...but apparently cancer does not care about any of that.

How did I know? Bottom line, it was a lump in a lymph node in my neck that appeared overnight on December 16th. However, looking back there were a lot of signs that I would write off as something else over the past several months. In fact, Follicular Lymphoma is a slow brewing cancer that may have been brewing for a lot longer than a few months. The most prominent signs prior to the lump were: a bloated belly, feeling full quickly, digestive issues and irregularities, on and off nausea and towards the end of December, serious fatigue.  I have had an enlarged lymph node before (not quite this large) and know that with some infections, that is common. When the lump didn't start to go away and actually seemed to be getting larger, I finally made the appointment. I went to my primary care physician on January 4th at 10am. She did an exam and listened to all of my symptoms. She expressed concern and told me she was ordering a CT scan, a CT scan with contrast, and an ultrasound of the lump. She knows me and said, do not put this off, I want this done by Monday or Tuesday and if you can't get an appointment, call my assistant. I left the office and called to schedule the appointments. I was only able to get something for the following Friday. So I called her assistant and left a message and headed home. I had two conference calls for work and got a phone call at 2pm. It was the assistant, she said, do not eat anything - you have a 2:45pm CT scan. I was like 2:45pm TODAY? She said yes. I proceeded to Hoag. Spent the next 2.5 hours, having the scans and ultrasound done. Left Hoag around 5:20pm. At 6:31pm, I got a phone call from my doctor - she said, I am sorry to call with this news, but it looks like you have a type of lymphoma. She was very caring and compassionate but she also says it like it is (probably why we get along). She went on to tell me, it was probably a Hodgkin's type of lymphoma, treatable but would be a rocky road ahead. She was going to talk to the oncologist on Monday and get back to me.  Have a great weekend (no she didn't say that). Processing that information was rough...and felt surreal. We also didn't have a confirmed diagnosis so we were spinning. The weekend was long.
From there, it went like this.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting...appointment scheduling.
January 10th - Bloodwork
January 15th - Lymph node Biopsy
January 22nd - PET scan
January 23rd - Oncologist Appointment and confirmed diagnosis
January 24th - More bloodwork
January 25th - Bone marrow Biopsy
January 28th - Port-a-Cath placement in Chest
January 30th - Day 1 Chemo (9-hour infusion - due to the adverse reaction to meds)
January 31st - Day 2 Chemo (3.5-hour infusion - left over from Day 1)

So here we go, Cycle ONE of SIX- DONE...5 more to go. May 21st is my last cycle. Pray that it kicks the shit out of cancer and leaves me standing. I know it will! It must. I will not let this shit get me down (well maybe a little) - but I will win in the end.

It all happened so fast...

Sisters’ HB Adventure 1/30/2019 #holyshit #f*^*cancer 

Sisters’ HB Adventure 12/29/2019 #livelife #staywild 

This is the Facebook post from my first day of Chemo - they fast-tracked me, exactly one week from confirmed diagnosis, I was having my first infusion. This was due to late Stage 3, possibly stage 4 diagnosis. Follicular Lymphoma is a blood cancer - so although it is in a late stage, the stages are not comparable to cancer in an organ or one area. However, multiple lymph nodes are enlarged in my neck, chest, abdomen, and groin as well as enlarged spleen and liver. I was so bummed when I found out that the hardness I felt in my abdomen was not my "abs of steel" finally showing up!

January 30, 2019 
"Not exactly the adventure I had planned for 2019, but it is the one that chose me. For those who don’t know, I was diagnosed on January 23rd with Follicular Lymphoma. If you want to know more about it, the Lymphoma Reseach Foundation website has great information. It sucks, chemo sucks, but I have an amazing village and right in the middle is my amazing sister Dana  - she is my true superpower. Plus all my friends near and far and family. Please send positive vibes, prayers, and happiness my way. #fuckcancer #iamstrongerthanit #bebrave #breathe and #believe. Love and hugs are good too!!"