Let's Get this Party Started!

haha - this is a party, right?....if I did not react with humor, we would never make it through this again. So let's do this! 

 Here is my reality...last week I lived between "what the fuck?" and "holy shit!!" Only way to describe the emotions that I experienced. There was so much to process. I waited each day for more information. A call from the doctors. Next steps. A timeline...some control to what was going on,

 I spent my days either distracting myself with Netflix, cooking, or work outs, of course that was when I wasn't researching "stem cell transplant," "relapse follicular lymphoma," "Diffuse large B-cell lymphoma." I know, I know,... stay off the Internet - but that is not me - I like information, the more informed I am, the more informed my decisions are. That said...I also made conscious efforts (with the help and advice of family & friends) to try to find joy in each day and of course, with THREE ridiculously silly Labrador Retrievers in the house - that was not too difficult. They honestly make me laugh EVERY day! 

Once I made it to Monday again - a week after hearing the news, I was calmer. Trying to be ok without being in control (oh how I hate that though). Yesterday, I decided it was a good thing I wasn't hearing from the doctors and that I should enjoy this infusion free, chemo free, no doctor time as my future promised much of that. Of course, the minute I let go of that, I got a call from my oncologist with an update. My current oncologist, Dr. Danny, had spoken with Cedar Sinai specialist, Dr. Darrah (keep up now) and they planned out a treatment plan. Starting with "baby chemo" as Cedar doc calls it.  The newest cocktail made up of Bendamustine and Gazyva (really - who makes these names up) - it is a strong cocktail! I will have 4-6 treatments, given every 4 weeks.

One of the things I love most about these drugs is how they list the side effects - and I don't share this to scare you (although I am a bit frightened...) but because, really? We have to put this on the Internet...

Bendamustine: Most common side effects include: fatigue, fever, nausea, and vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, loss of appetite, cough, headache, weight loss, difficulty breathing, rash, mouth irritation, low red blood cells (oxygen-carrying cells), low platelets (blood-clotting cells), and decreased number of three different types of white blood cells (infection-fighting cells). WAIT...it gets better...

These are not all of the possible side effects of BENDEKA. For more information ask your healthcare provider.

Gazyva: The most common adverse reactions (incidence ≥20%) in GAZYVA recipients included infusion-related reactions, fatigue, neutropenia, cough, upper respiratory tract infections, and musculoskeletal pain.

OK... so...I know- everyone is different and I most likely will not get ALL of these side effects...but when your oncologist schedules you for a "teaching appointment" the day before your first round of chemo, to go over all of the side effects...your spidey senses start tingling... and yes - although last night, Dr. Danny said - "get your port placed and then schedule your first round of chemo - (oh yeah did I mention, I get to have that lovely port placed back in my chest? This is helpful when the drugs are too strong to go through you arm veins and cause them to "burn") - but then the oncologist office calls and says - we are not going to wait for the port - we are going to get started - next Wednesday February 3rd...um yes....like in 7 days. Ironically, almost 2 years exactly to the day(minus 3 days) from my first round of chemo - January 30, 2019. 

So, yes...here "we" go! The party is starting...do not miss it! 

"We" have put the armor on,"we" are posturing, "we" are strong and "we" are going to fight like hell - (I love saying "we" because while I know you are all there - cheering me on, I also know, I am the one fighting, but but by saying "we" I feel like we are doing it together....). So, YES... let's do this! 

Grateful for my army. 💚💚💚