Trying to Embrace my New "BADASS" Look

#mysisterismysuperpower

So yesterday, this happened. I am still a bit numb about it all but it is another "new normal" so I am trying to embrace it. One thing I knew for certain, from the second I got my confirmed diagnosis, was that I was absolutely going to lose my hair. My oncologist said it like this to me, "You have Follicular Lymphoma, it is treatable, you are going to lose your hair." It was the third thing he said to me. Then my adorable chemo nurse, Remy, said very clearly, over and over, this red medicine (because it is dyed red in the IV bag) will cause you to lose your hair. It was pretty much a definite thing. They all said, 14-21 days after first treatment, you will start to lose your hair. They said, by the time you come back, 3 weeks later for cycle 2, most people have lost their hair. I saw Remy on Day 12. I said, "I am going to be that one person that doesn't lose her hair." He said, "you had the red medicine, right?" I said "yes." He said, "well then, yes, you would be that one person." Because everyone else has lost their hair - 😩-

On that same day, I had a free wig/scarf consultation with Hoag Cancer Center's Brighter Image program. An amazing free program for cancer patients. I met with Karrie York, a cancer survivor/consultant, and we tried on at least 10 different wigs, and 20 different scarves, beanies, bandanas and she showed me how to style them. It was all very surreal, especially because I still had hair. You get one free wig (high quality), and as many headpieces as you want (amazing program). I left with 4 wigs to try on with my family and at least 20 different options for my head, It was all so overwhelming. The beanies, etc. all looked really cute, WITH HAIR, and how fun to try on different wigs, different styles, different lengths and colors when I HAD HAIR. That was all on Tuesday.

On Thursday, Day 14 (remember hair loss happens between Day 14-21), I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking is today the day? What will it be like, how will it happen? Then I had what they call the "hair headache" all night. They say that about 2 days after you get this headache, the hair will start falling out - I did not believe them. UGH. They were so right. I had that headache right smack on DAY 14, and the next day, my hair just started to come out. I literally could pull bunches of it out, like you would find in a hairbrush you haven't cleaned for a few weeks. The average person loses about 100 hairs a day, I was losing about 100,000  (I suck at math though). No one could tell unless I showed them. Saturday, it got worse. I was obsessing over it, anxious about it and stressing over finding a bald spot. I cleaned the shower drain and my brushes every day (like I always do - ha), I switched to shampooing with baby shampoo and not using any heat to style my hair. Then I showered on Sunday morning, and it was like I left a small animal, no, let's say a medium-sized animal in the drain. It was awful and I knew that that was the day, I had to get rid of my hair. The negative energy that I was using to focus on it was not good for me. So I reached out to my friend and hair stylist for the past 20 years and asked her if she would help me. I am so grateful for her. My sister (my superpower) and I met her at Shanghai Hair Salon (a little marketing - awesome place with amazing stylists/people). It was closed, so it was just us. I still had hair, so she carefully cut it, stopping at different lengths and styles to see what we could do when it grew back, and then pulled out the buzzer! Off it came, all the way down to peach fuzz. I was emotionless, numb, I had cried and stressed over this all week and now it was happening. I think I was just glad to get past this. To face this dragon in front of me, and move to the other side. The only way out is through and this is part of this #livelifedetour.

#f#@kcancer

So it happened, Patty and Dana were so loving and compassionate. Apparently, I have a great head shape with no bumps, who knew. We took some selfies and it was done. We sent some pics to close friends to get feedback. The overall most used word to describe my new look was "you look badass." I guess it could be so much worse and with the fight that I have ahead of me, looking a little badass isn't such a bad thing.
I cannot lie, it will take some getting used to - but I want to thank all of my family and friends who responded with the comments below. I mean really, what else do you say to someone with cancer who just shaved their head. But thank you for saying it. (This blog post is my first step in going out in public -give me strength 💚.) #feelingvulnerable

Comments from my amazing friends and family!

• You look like a badass now!!!!  I like it♥️♥️♥️
• Omg. No tears necessary. You look so good!  Dang. Seriously you own that look! I actually love it!
• I promised not to try and make you feel better about it cuz we have to be honest but you look kinda badass
• It goes great with your beautiful awesome smile!! ❤
• So badass!!
• You look AWESOME!! 
• Kick some cancer ass, girlfriend!!
• You look fucking awesome ! 
• You look like a total badass!
• Your head looks beautiful. 😍😍
• I saw some hot pics of you today with your hair really short.
• You're still beautiful as ever!  
• Look good!!!!!
• Oh jenith  so beautiful xoxo. You look so rock and roll!! Xoxo
• You rock it!!! Xoxoxoxoxox
• Jenith u look great!!!!....ur natural beauty just enhances ur face!!!....I WOULD TOTALLY DO U!!!😚😉 U..SEX POT!
• Darlin, you are beautiful!!!
• You look awesome, what a great smile even after everything you are going through 😀
• Years ago people didn’t know how to react to people going through treatment, today I think it’s a badge of honor and you Rock it!!!
• Beautiful as always. 
• Ok. Wow!!  Obviously not what you wanted, but I think you look super cute!!  I swear only you could pull off that look! 😎
• You’ve got the perfect head!  You don’t even need tanner. 😀 You could definitely rock as is😘
• You look amazing!!!!! Badass for sure! You have a good head for your new style 😀 You and your sister are so cute, so awesome to have that bond 
• You rock it better than I do. Wear exactly that outfit on Thursday and don't field any questions 😀 ... come to think of it nobody's going to ask you any questions anyway. You look like a beautiful badass MF.
• Omg you rock Beautiful!! 💞