Just Me...Checking In

I cannot believe it has been over a month since my last post.  I wish I could say that my absence was due to traveling the world and living life, but really it is because I had nothing earth shattering to share and I was busy working and navigating all the side effects and joy that chemo brings. Let me say...I did not have all of these side effects this past month - but they are like a moving target, and I was blessed with many, some repeats, some new...some not so bad and some just awful...my body is still one big science experiment.

March was filled with good and bad days...and figuring out, once again, that my heart is healthy - and that those chest pains were probably a combination of chemo and stress.  I have to emphasize here, how serious anxiety and stress are. I know we have all had our share of it, especially over the last year...but that shit is no joke. The mind is a powerful thing, and when stress and anxiety start to show in the form of pain in the body - it is time to sit up and listen.  I do not have any brilliant answers, but I did find some things to cope with it that are not drug or alcohol related (bummer, I know, lol).  The real trick is to get out of your own head (and for me, not playing Dr. Google - goes a long way too) and find true distraction! Find ways to relax, get distracted, talk to people, get distracted, breathe, and get more distracted...and it eventually passes. But it is scary. 

March was spent with lots of wondering. Wondering if I was going to lose my hair (not yet). Weekly wonderings if my blood counts were going to drop so low I would need nuelesta or zarnio (white blood cell boosters - read about how well that went last time here). Wondering if my echocardiogram was going to come back with a good result (luckily it did), and learning more about what options lay ahead...

March was also filled with long work days, both for NMUSD and CSUF, grateful for the ability to still work, and a visit from one of my best friends from high school and college - lots of laughs and love there.

I also got the first dose of the COVID - Vaccine (Pfizer) on March 20th - sore arm for a day. All 3 of my oncologists (two specialists) really wanted me to. Their reasoning was that although, each month, we are killing my immune system with chemo, thus weakening the benefits of the vaccine; having some vaccine versus none in my body, will help when I am in the hospital. The irony is that once I get a stem cell transplant, I will have a brand new immune system and would need all vaccines again. 🤦‍♀️(still have not gotten second dose - read why below).

I finished chemo cycle three on March 31st/April 1st. It was the roughest week yet, but I made it through. Today is day 13 after chemo - days 10-14 are supposed to be when this chemo does its work. Today is an ok day. I have learned that ok and good days should be celebrated - so yay for an ok day! 

Dr. Danny (local oncologist) decided that we should do a pet scan before cycle 4 (it was supposed to be after) but this way we know if chemo is working. I have had pain and discomfort in my neck. Some of it is from the terrible placement of the port catheter - as it lays right over my collar bone and connect to my right jugular vein - there is tension there - basically that constant reminder - yes - you have this port in your body - don't forget about me...I am here. The other discomfort and pain might be from swollen lymph nodes which would mean that the chemo is not working as those should be shrinking. The reason, we pushed the 2nd dose of vaccine is that one of the side effects is swollen lymph nodes - so we waited long enough from the first dose and pushed the second to squeeze in a pet scan - scheduled for Monday, April 19th - 7:30am - send the positive vibes my way please! I am not sure what we are praying for as there are two ways this can go - and honestly - I am not sure if there is an option that is better or not. I will write about what I know about the two options in another post. I am lucky to have options, I know,

Until the next post, I will once again, thank my army of people that continue to check in, send cards,  flowers, drop off lemon cookies (yum), and homemade soup, drive me to appointments, walk slow with me, or throw balls to my dogs. You are greatly appreciated. To the rest of you, who I know continue to pray for me, daily, send me good positive vibes...I am grateful. 💚💚💚

Family ❤️

Lemon cookies 💛

Back Bay walks (slow)

Laura and I - sunset

LJ's last night in town