The Joys of Chemo...

Not exactly like "The Joy of Cooking," but if I had to write a recipe book about lessons learned from  Chemotherapy the first time, it would include the following tips.

1. Rest, when you are tired.
2. Eat, when you can.
1. Eat lots of vegetables and fruits, when you are not nauseated.
3. Accept help even when it feels uncomfortable.
4. Enjoy the good days.
5. Get through the bad.
6. Move everyday, even if you move slower than you want.
7. Laugh.
8. Find the silver linings (they are always there).
9. Find joy in each day.
10. Focus on the positive but allow yourself to feel all the feelings. 
11. Know that being sick and fighting cancer is not a sign of weakness.
12. Always cuddle with your dogs. They will get you through any day.

Simple, I know...but for me - important. I did not expect to be doing this again so if I don't take something from the last time and make it better, it almost seems like a waste of valuable life lessons. It has been less than a month since finding out about this new #livelifedetour. The first couple of weeks were filled with anxiety and fear. Once, I knew the plan I started working on acceptance. Since my last post, I have had the port placed back in my chest - which just freaks me out, but each day I get a little more used to it. Something about knowing that they connected a catheter to my right jugular vein is just a little scary. It is  uncanny that they placed the port on the same exact day, exactly two years later. I am going to have to use those numbers for my next lottery pick (012819 and 012821) - there has to be something lucky there.  

February 3rd, I had my first day of chemo. I was a mess that day, so nervous and anxious about unknown side effects and having to be there alone. But Remy, my angel chemo nurse, called me that morning and told me to bring someone - he would put me in a private room and get them in. That made all the difference and my good friend stayed all day with me. I had to go back the next day for more fun - and I was once again, given private room and bottle service - and allowed a friend. I couldn't believe my luck. Thank you Pacific Shores Oncology for having the best and most caring nurses out there. 

The next few days were filled with the usual lack of sleep from prednisone (pre-meds), headaches, nausea and exhaustion - but I worked through it and headed back the following Wednesday for another dose. Again, I got the VIP treatment! So I have one more day (this Wednesday) and we are done with Round 1 of this new cocktail - I have labeled this new cocktail Lady Godiva (Gazyva) and Bendejo (Bendamustine). Lady Godiva is the stronger of the two - so they had to slowly build it up in my body in 4 doses. I think the bendejo may be the one that makes me sicker (not surprised by the name) as I didn't get that on Wednesday and my nausea is less. 

After Wednesday, I get a 2 week break and then March 3rd and 4th we do it again. But then I get a 28 day break - woohoo - and don't have to go back until March 31st/April 1st. 

I am calling this the chemo "honeymoon" period. I am tired but ok. Some days I feel better than others. But my blood counts are good, I do not have bone pain or nerve pain. I can still enjoy coffee on most days. With each treatment, some of these side effects may get worse. So for today. I am enjoying my good days and this "honeymoon" -  Getting outside. Enjoying time with the dogs. Walking at the beach (maybe over did it there) and just feeling grateful.

That is my update for now. 

Sunrise today!

I am going to be ok.

Let's Get this Party Started!

haha - this is a party, right?....if I did not react with humor, we would never make it through this again. So let's do this! 

 Here is my reality...last week I lived between "what the fuck?" and "holy shit!!" Only way to describe the emotions that I experienced. There was so much to process. I waited each day for more information. A call from the doctors. Next steps. A timeline...some control to what was going on,

 I spent my days either distracting myself with Netflix, cooking, or work outs, of course that was when I wasn't researching "stem cell transplant," "relapse follicular lymphoma," "Diffuse large B-cell lymphoma." I know, I know,... stay off the Internet - but that is not me - I like information, the more informed I am, the more informed my decisions are. That said...I also made conscious efforts (with the help and advice of family & friends) to try to find joy in each day and of course, with THREE ridiculously silly Labrador Retrievers in the house - that was not too difficult. They honestly make me laugh EVERY day! 

Once I made it to Monday again - a week after hearing the news, I was calmer. Trying to be ok without being in control (oh how I hate that though). Yesterday, I decided it was a good thing I wasn't hearing from the doctors and that I should enjoy this infusion free, chemo free, no doctor time as my future promised much of that. Of course, the minute I let go of that, I got a call from my oncologist with an update. My current oncologist, Dr. Danny, had spoken with Cedar Sinai specialist, Dr. Darrah (keep up now) and they planned out a treatment plan. Starting with "baby chemo" as Cedar doc calls it.  The newest cocktail made up of Bendamustine and Gazyva (really - who makes these names up) - it is a strong cocktail! I will have 4-6 treatments, given every 4 weeks.

One of the things I love most about these drugs is how they list the side effects - and I don't share this to scare you (although I am a bit frightened...) but because, really? We have to put this on the Internet...

Bendamustine: Most common side effects include: fatigue, fever, nausea, and vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, loss of appetite, cough, headache, weight loss, difficulty breathing, rash, mouth irritation, low red blood cells (oxygen-carrying cells), low platelets (blood-clotting cells), and decreased number of three different types of white blood cells (infection-fighting cells). WAIT...it gets better...

These are not all of the possible side effects of BENDEKA. For more information ask your healthcare provider.

Gazyva: The most common adverse reactions (incidence ≥20%) in GAZYVA recipients included infusion-related reactions, fatigue, neutropenia, cough, upper respiratory tract infections, and musculoskeletal pain.

OK... so...I know- everyone is different and I most likely will not get ALL of these side effects...but when your oncologist schedules you for a "teaching appointment" the day before your first round of chemo, to go over all of the side effects...your spidey senses start tingling... and yes - although last night, Dr. Danny said - "get your port placed and then schedule your first round of chemo - (oh yeah did I mention, I get to have that lovely port placed back in my chest? This is helpful when the drugs are too strong to go through you arm veins and cause them to "burn") - but then the oncologist office calls and says - we are not going to wait for the port - we are going to get started - next Wednesday February 3rd...um yes....like in 7 days. Ironically, almost 2 years exactly to the day(minus 3 days) from my first round of chemo - January 30, 2019. 

So, yes...here "we" go! The party is starting...do not miss it! 

"We" have put the armor on,"we" are posturing, "we" are strong and "we" are going to fight like hell - (I love saying "we" because while I know you are all there - cheering me on, I also know, I am the one fighting, but but by saying "we" I feel like we are doing it together....). So, YES... let's do this! 

Grateful for my army. 💚💚💚

Putting Back on My Armor.....cause as my sister says, they are pulling out the BIG GUNS!

Walked this road today...
felt like what lies ahead

The waiting is over. Petscan results are in. Cancer has spread. Not exactly the outcome we wanted, I know. But..now we fight harder. The #livelifedetour just took a nasty turn up a steep hill but I can make it. 

What we know. Radiation is off the table. Cancer spread to my chest as well as my neck.
What I have learned over the last five days.

1. Follicular Lymphoma (FL) never really goes away. It hides in areas that are undetected by a CT/PET scan. 
2. It is something I will not likely die from, but I will die with. It will wax and wane for the rest of my life.
3. Every "body" acts differently with FL. 
4. Generally, if it stays away for the first two years, there is a better chance for it to not come back for 5-10 years. and they call that indolent (slow growing).
5. To determine the 2 year mark, they calculate from the chemotherapy treatment (January 30, 2019) as the start date and the date of the scan that detected the cancer was back (November 27, 2020) - I was so close!!!! But am now classified as having the more aggressive type of lymphoma. (Yay for me).
6. Radiation is effective to fight "one spot/area" - so once it moved past my neck, it was not an option. (guess I will have to put that back on the bucket list).
7. Since this is going to continue to grow and spread, the best course of action is a Stem Cell Transplant. (I always like to be informed and in case you do too - but don't go too far down the rabbit hole)

I cannot even believe I am writing this right now. I found this all out on Wednesday, and have had a few days to process and research, but it is still very surreal. The reason this is the best treatment plan is that it allows them to give me a high dose of chemotherapy that will knock the fuck out of the lymphoma, as well as the rest of my cells in my body - and then they will replace them with my own stem cells (that they harvested before they started) - which is called autologous stem cell transplant (your own cells).  In the end, I will have a brand new immune system and will have a break from the lymphoma returning as quickly. 

The bonus to this treatment plan, is that we have to knock down the current cancer that is hanging around so I have to go through another round of chemotherapy to prepare my body for the stem cell transplant/high dose chemo - and I get to lose all of my hair again because once in a lifetime wasn't enough - and get that port-a-catheter placed back in my chest!  I see good times ahead. 

There is so much more to all of this, but I am still processing. I will keep you informed as writing this also helps me to process... I literally just talked to the doctors today so they are going to meet and discuss a treatment plan and get back to me this week.  

I am grateful for all the prayers, positive vibes/thoughts, check ins, mojo and magic....keep it coming my way. We have a rough road ahead...but as you know...I am a fucking warrior and the only way out is through.... love to you all! 💚💚💚

2021: with a side of Déjà Vu

Happy New Year. Something about this feels too familiar...New year, same me

Two years ago, on this day...I got that Friday evening call you don't want from your doctor stating that it looked like I had some type of lymphoma (see timeline and post here). Ironically, today, I consulted with a radiation oncologist to determine if radiation was a viable treatment option for this relapse.
The good news is, yes, if the cancer is only in the lymph nodes in my neck, then for about 4 weeks (5 days a week), radiation therapy would be the plan. The unknown, is whether the cancer has spread. I have been getting CT scans for the last year, as they pick up enlarged lymph nodes, however they do not pick up cancer like the PetScan can. So, next step is getting a Petscan (and lots of positive thoughts and prayers that cancer has not spread). If lymphoma has spread to other parts of the body, radiation is not going to work.

So, we schedule the Petscan, and also schedule the simulation scan (something they do to get you prepared for radiation therapy) and we wait. 

I mentioned in my last post,  a follow up with my incredible UCLA doctor. He is part of my "team" or he was until on December 24th when my insurance denied the request for the authorization to see him. They claim that UCLA is now "not in network" but I can go to Cedar Sinai. WTF! Seriously? (I mean, I am not saying Cedar Sinai is not a reputable place), but I have an established relationship with Dr. DeVos, and am already a patient of his. So now, I have to start all over with a new doctor? Ugh. After a few calls, I was told I could appeal the decision. So I am now waiting on that...could take up to 30 days. 🤷‍♀️  in the meantime, I am scheduling an appointment with Cedar Sinai, just in case and a second, "second opinion" couldn't hurt. I swear, it is like a full time job navigating all of this...and exhausting -I am a bit numb. 

Luckily, I am blessed with an army of incredible people, to support me and I have to say that the love and support you all have shown over the last couple of weeks (and years) is nothing short of amazing. I could not do this without all the energy and positive vibes coming my way. 💚💚💚 

It's Been a Minute or Two.

 Let me start by saying, Wow, how have I really not posted since January 2, 2020?  Part of me is not surprised....2020 has been a total #shitshow. Who wants to document it in writing...but we were getting through it - I mean we are 16 days out. Christmas is almost here! 

So why now? What made me come back here to post...mostly to say FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! Fuck cancer! Fuck cancer for coming back. Yup. It is back. Fuck. (sorry if I am offending anyone here - but that is the only word that sums it all up). 

I was getting through 2020, like everyone else - well ok, not exactly like everyone else but I was getting through.... 2020 has been filled with: infusions every 8 weeks; Scans every 6 months; working from home for 9 months now (grateful for a job); staying connected to humans and seeing a few people IRL (in real life). Zoomed out and counting down until March 24, 2021 - when I was to have my last scheduled infusion (12 out of 12). Screech....that is not going to work.

Here is what happened. 

November 27th, I went for my 6 month scan expecting it to come back clean like the last 3 scans. 

On December 2nd, I was having my 10th infusion and asked about my scans. They said that one of the lymph nodes on my neck (that they had been watching) had doubled in size and any time a lymph node measures over 1 CM (I know that seems so small), they have to check it out. If you remember, this all started with a lump in my neck back in December 2018. 

December 9th I had an ultrasound and a fine needle aspiration biopsy. 

On December 10th, I saw the radiology report show up in my portal (being the doctor that I am not), I reviewed it. I also compared it to the same report from January 15, 2019 - and the language was the same - in fact the report was almost identical with the exception of the lymph node being 2.5 CM now (3.5CM on 1/15/19), and there were multiple abnormal (why be normal) lymph nodes on both side of my neck. This did not make me happy - but I had to wait for confirmation from the real doctor as well as the pathology report.

December 14th, Last night, I got the call from my oncologist. He said, lymphoma is back. [FUCK!] Well, he didn't say the F-word. 

So what does that mean? Follicular lymphoma is a non-Hodgkins's lymphoma (NHL). It is a cancer that affects white blood cells called lymphocytes. They help your body fight infections.  

"Although many patients can have a remission that lasts many years after their initial treatment for follicular lymphoma (FL) - the disease will return. Typical signs of a relapse include symptoms similar to when you were diagnosed such as new rapidly growing nodes. Relapse is most likely to happen within the first 2 years after treatment."

It likes to comes back (WTF). The plan was to keep it away for 2 years and then the chances of keeping it away for 5-10 years was greater...but it is 2020 - so it came back. 

What is next? I go back to the UCLA specialist to get his opinion ( I love that about my local oncologist). I also have to consult with a radiation oncologist, as he thinks that they may be able to treat it with focal radiation. That is as much as I know right now. I am holding it together...what are my choices...

You know....the only way out is through - so this warrior is going to fight her way out.  You can expect more frequent updates, if for no other reason, for me to get it out - and document this #livelifedetour.

Prayers, good vibes, healing thoughts, magic and miracles are all welcome. 💚💚💚

Reflecting on 2019 and Looking Forward to 2020

As many people do this time of year, I have spent the last few days reflecting. January 4th will be a year since I was initially told I had some type of cancer. I still remember the phone call and the weeks that followed. January 2019 was a crazy month - and while I am happy it is behind me I am going to take a minute to reflect on just how crazy it was...

January 4th - CT Scan with contrast - initial diagnosis
January 10th - Bloodwork
January 15th - Lymph node Biopsy
January 16th - Mom had an 18-hour stroke
January 22nd - PET scan
January 23rd - Oncologist Appointment and confirmed diagnosis
January 24th - More bloodwork
January 25th - Bone marrow Biopsy
January 28th - Port-a-Cath placement in Chest
January 30th - Day 1 Chemo (9-hour infusion - due to the adverse reaction to meds)
January 31st - Day 2 Chemo (3.5-hour infusion - leftover from Day 1)

The year, as you know, continued with 5 more rounds of chemo and all of the challenges that came with that - I had an incredible support team of family and friends and on July 8th - my scans came back clean! Yay! Yes, Yay!

But that is what was so hard for me - my scans were clean - BUT I was still struggling with side effects, after effects, future effects - of chemo and continued infusions - "the gift that keeps on giving." The inability to be "superwoman" and work long days and not be exhausted by it, or the black marks that have shown up under my toenails, or the process of growing my hair back (and it is a process) - life is just a little harder right now. I lack patience, I want things back the way they were before my diagnosis, I want my body back, my hair back, and my energy back.

My biggest challenge is that I want to put cancer away, put it behind me, but it doesn't work that way. The truth is, I am not the same - so even if I could find a box to put it in - I am still over here trying to figure out just who I am now - of course - in many ways, I am the same, but there are just enough ways - that I am a little different.

This week I have had more bloodwork, another CT scan with contrast, I am getting my 4th of 12 infusions right now and a Petscan Tomorrow. ..so you see while my scans are clean today - I am still in it and honestly, that just sucks. This is why it took me 6 months to write this follow up post - because I feel like I am supposed to be screaming "hooray" from the rooftops and running around so happy - and yes - there are days I am, but there are also days I am not.

I am writing this to help you understand the #livelifedetour I am still on - and while I am in a much better place than the first half of this year - it is still difficult. I find myself doing things that make me feel in control of my life like getting tattoos, piercing my ears, getting crazy fade hairstyles) -  those are decisions I am making, I am choosing. I am learning to say "thank you" when someone tells me they like my haircut (when I really want to say - I did not CUT my hair) and I am learning to have grace and patience with my body. Not so easy either.

Oh and yes “Sign ups are available” for those looking to sit with me for a 5-6 hour infusion. 😂 🤣 I am joking. Kind of. 😂 I can’t drive on these day so if your bored (first get a life) And then text me. 8 more to go!   Thanks to my awesome friends for doing the first 4.

That’s me checking in from this Livelifedetour!!
#cancerstillstucks #livelifedetour #grateful #2020

I Made it Out!

My mantra for the past 7 months has been "the only way out is through," and today I am happy to announce that I made it out!! Cancer Free Today!

I MADE IT OUT!

So, if you have been following along you know yesterday was a BIG DAY! Seven weeks after my last chemo treatment I had a PETscan. The scan itself is really not a big deal, other than you have to fast, which means no morning coffee, but all in all - a little radioactive tracer into your bloodstream, an hour in a dark, cold room to marinate, and then 12 minutes in the tube - DONE.  The hardest part of the day was waiting, waiting to hear from the doctor.  Luckily, at 5:18 pm I got the call. He said I got your scan results. The report says "no signs of disease!!!" and he followed with "complete response to the chemo, do you have any questions?"  I said, "does that mean I am in remission?" He paused and said, "I guess you could say that." - I thought you guess?? Ok - I am going with "I am in remission!!" No sign of the disease and complete response to chemo also work for me!! Can you say "CANCER FREE?" - I am so excited! Really in shock, although I said I would stand for nothing less, I was scared to know the outcome. Scared that if I wasn't in remission that I would not be able to handle it (although we all know I would). The great news is I don't have to worry about that anymore.

So, what is next? Celebrating, of course! Travel, of course. and... my maintenance infusions- they start next week (and every 8 weeks after that for 2 years) - which means, tomorrow I give blood and next week, I hook up to an IV for 4 hours and get Rituxan pumped into my body. I cannot lie, I wish I did not have to put more drugs into my body - but this is to keep cancer AWAY. So I have no choice, as that shit is not welcomed back in my blood or anywhere in my body for that matter! Once I get through next week and see how my body reacts to just the Rituxan, I think I will be even more excited to move on from this #livelifedetour. 

For now, I am just smiling. So happy to be cancer free. So blessed to have had it so easy (as easy as 6 rounds of aggressive chemo for Stage 4 cancer can be). But I know, it could have been worse. So grateful for my army of people (family, friends and colleagues) that showed up every day in every way to show that they were there for me. Cheering me on, sending love, hugs, and positive vibes! I really would not have made it through without all of you! Yay!!!

#kickedcancersass, #backtolivinglifeagain, #warrior, #grateful, #blessed, #imadeitout

From 0 to 60 in 6 Weeks

Thinking back to the last 6 weeks since my last round of chemo, I really went from 0 to 60.

• That first week (realizing chemo was really over) I was so happy that I walked around like I felt better than I really did - just high on the reality of no more chemo!!! I still moved at a slower pace and got 3 more Zarxio shots that week.  
• Two weeks after, I started to get back into the groove - I celebrated my birthday, got my port surgically removed and went to Laguna Beach for a sister's weekend. 
• Week Three: I returned to the gym, went back to working full time and teaching summer session at CSUF.  This was the week I also found myself super angry about having cancer. I took action (haha) - I unfollowed any support group or person that I had followed on social media and put all my cancer books, blankets, and tanks away - I really wanted to burn them all. I did not want to identify myself as someone with cancer. I know this sounds silly - no getting around it - but I wanted to have my life back- and the word cancer stripped from my vocabulary. Obviously, this was not possible and walking around with peach fuzz on my head was a dead give away.
• Week Four: Still angry but realizing I had to get over that - I focused on work and the gym. I gained some weight from the prednisone and chemo - and sitting on my ass for the last couple of months. This also annoys me. I want my fit body back now. 
• Week Five: Still dealing with so many emotions - happiness, vulnerability, frustration, uncertainty, anger, and excitment, to name a few. I feel blessed to have gotten through 6 rounds of chemo and come back so strong. Many of my friends and family worried about my 0 to 60 mindset and thought I was overdoing it - but mentally - I needed that. I had to get back to living. What was going to happen to me? I would get tired? Full speed ahead to the best of my ability.
• Here we are, entering Week Six - I am anxious - one week from today (July 8th), I will have my PETscan to find out exactly how well the chemo worked (remember we are not accepting anything other than 100% remission). I am still struggling to lose the weight - I know 8 pounds - is nothing - but it is driving me crazy - my body is holding on to it like it still needs it - trust me - let it go - we will all be happier - haha. July 17th is the first maintenance infusion of Rituxan (every 8 weeks for 2 years) - side effects should be minimal - maybe 1 - 2 days of fatigue. July is slower at work and a time for me to enjoy getting healthy. I am working on that.

I keep hearing things that I really need to remember as I go into the next 6 months of this year:

1. I just battled cancer.
2. I should not be so hard on myself.
3. Be where you are and be ok with it.
4. My path will reveal itself.
5. Be ok with the process.
6. Enjoy the moments. 

I will update you all next week, with the great news and we can all celebrate together! 

For now, I will work on remembering to enjoy the process and the fact that I look like a chia pet. 😂😂😂

What is Next for my Live Life Detour?

Ready to live life again...

Checking in after Round 6! Yes, my last round of chemotherapy. Even writing those words still seems so surreal. Did the last 5 months really happen? Did I really go through that? Some days, I feel like I tucked my head in, closed my eyes and hoped tomorrow would come. Tomorrow did come, and I made it through this part of my #livelifedetour. As you know, the last couple of months were not easy, the side effects were many and like a moving target through my body. I struggled with my blood counts and the bone pain that came with the growth hormone shots to increase those counts. I also hate prednisone. I hate how it made me feel, how it changed my body (I call it the prednisone plump), and how it robbed me of sleep and peace. The good news is that I am done with the poison and the prednisone. So what next? While this is definitely a milestone worthy of celebrating, I am not quite done with this fight. Looking Ahead.

Causes for Celebration:

1. Chemotherapy is over! 
2. My Birthday is in 9 days! - June 5th in case you are wondering!
3. June 6th the port-a-catheter is being removed from my chest - Happy Birthday to me!
4. Every day, I will feel a little better
5. My hair is slowly growing back - and I might just make it platinum blonde - #whynot 
6. Only 2 more Mondays of giving blood every week
7. As soon as my immune system is stronger, I can get back to the gym 
8. The sun is shining! 

Bumps Ahead in the Road:

1. Every 8 weeks, I have to get a 4-hour maintenance infusion for 2 years - the Rituxan (yes that antibody with the part human/part mouse combo 😠) 
2. I have to wait until the end of July for my PETscan. This will show that I am in 100% remission, which is the only option I am allowing! 
3. The fatigue that I fight daily will not just go away.

I have to again thank everyone out there! On my last day of chemotherapy, I posted on social media and the outpouring of love and support was - well it was - WOW! Amazing, overwhelming, and uplifting.  It is crazy how that works. Just a few words here and there - and you can feel the love. It really helps me get through the rough patches. So thank you. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to just say something. Love you all! 💚💚💚

I also have to thank those of you that continue to show up or send cards, flowers, candles, angels, steaks (yes to help with my blood counts -iron), and trees (a money tree for good fortune). Human kindness is alive and I am so fortunate to have so many people out there that care about me.

Checking In after Round 5

I realize I have been really quiet here. It has been a rough few weeks between round 4 and round 5. But I still see the light at the end of the tunnel. I cannot believe I have one more round of chemotherapy to go. Then we wait 2 months (the waiting alone may kill me) and repeat the PETscan for the only option I am accepting which is 100% REMISSION. 
I know I have a long road to recovery ahead and that after May 21, 2019 - last day of chemo - I will not just bounce back - but I will start living my life again and each day I will get stronger.


Round 4 of chemo was a bitch. I developed Peripheral Neuropathy. which basically made every nerve in my body extremely painful. It hurt to even lay down, add bone pain to that, and I was pretty much a hot mess! That lasted right through my third week - which was supposed to be my good week - so I felt ripped off and not ready for Round 5. But I pushed through - because as you know by now, the only way outta here is through. We made it through round 5 with minimal side effects, some loopiness, and laughs. During the infusion, my port stung a bit, but Remy checked it and it was fine. As you know that Purple Power Port is in my chest and the catheter runs from the port to the superior vena cava, just upstream of the right atrium. Later that night, I felt the part of the catheter popping up under my skin and it hurt. I am now waiting to have a "port study" done to make sure it is ok (and not the good kind of port wine - haha).  All part of my #livelifedetour. Will keep you posted on that.

As for Round 5, so far, it is the typical exhaustion, headaches, nausea, metallic tastes and lack of appetite - all side effects I can handle. Counting the days to Round 6 and being done! 18 to be exact. Moving on from this detour!

To help reduce the chances of more Peripheral Neuropathy, we are switching back to Zarxio and off the Neulasta - the Neulasta worked great! My white blood cell counts were off the charts high! But the other side effects were also off the charts in a negative way. The main difference between the two is how long they last in your system. Neulesta lasts for 14 days and requires me to be on prednisone for longer than with Zarxio (as it helps with the pain). Zarxio only lasts 24 hours and requires multiple injections and does not work as well - but honestly, I would rather be housebound from people and germs and wear a mask when I am out than have the pain. Especially since I am so near the end. So shot number two is today.

That is all I have for you today. Just wanted to check in. I am forever grateful to all of you that continue to follow along with me either here or on social media and send your love and support. I know I have said it before, but I so appreciate all of you and it really helps give me the strength to keep fighting. Love you all!!! 💚💚💚

Oh, one last thing. I could not have survived the last few months without snap chat - those filters have made me laugh, cry, and see myself in all different ways. Thanks to my sister and team for snapping every day - what a silly and fun way to communicate. Here are some pics from this past month.

Riding Along on My Live Life Detour

ONE GOOD WEEK

I know I have been quiet for a couple of weeks and thought it was time for an update. Last you heard from me, I had had a rough couple weeks with round 3. That is over. We moved on and passed Round 4. One week ago today!

The week right before round 4 chemotherapy, I actually had one really great week! I walked around as if I was not fighting cancer, as if life had righted itself (well kind of - hard to ignore some of the obvious). I went to work 4 out of 5 days (and the one day I missed was spent with my mom at the doctor's office, getting her a repeat brain scan from the sudden onset of confusion she was having). I walked the dogs every day, I went to the beach, I went shopping and out to lunch a couple of times, and even got on the Peloton (although my output sucked), it felt good to move my legs. Neulasta (White blood cell/immune booster) worked, my white blood counts stayed up and I didn't have to hide from the world of germs and infections (although I still had to wear a mask in the doctor's office - who cares). It was a good week.

 

ROUND 4 CHEMOTHERAPY

Last Tuesday, I had round 4 of chemotherapy - I also saw my oncologist and found out a few things.

1. I do not get to do my third PETscan - three weeks after my last chemo session but more like 2-3 MONTHS after. UGH. That puts me into late July or early August to know if I am in remission. This was hard news. But I get it. You do not want a false positive. You do not want to think maybe I am not in remission when you are. The chemo drugs work long after 3 weeks, so we wait. The good news is, we wait and we have more good weeks, we staycation, we celebrate being through this first line of treatment, and we pray the chemotherapy did its' job.
2. I also found out that my purple power port (yes that lovely device (at least it is purple) that lives just below my collar bone attached to my subclavian vein where they infuse all the chemo-cocktails into my bloodstream) will stay for 2 YEARS, while I receive maintenance infusions of Rituxan, every 8 weeks (2 months sounds better) but it still sucks - but then again so do a lot of things so I will deal and embrace it or spin it as a good topic of conversation.  

HOW DO I FEEL?

I am hanging in for round 4. Usual side effects that I will spare you the details on. Today is usually the day I crash hard and can barely stand but they are keeping me on prednisone at a lower dose to stave off the bone pain that mimicked cardiac arrest so I am hoping that will help with weakness as well. Something new to watch and learn about is my hemoglobins. Your hemoglobins are an iron-containing protein found in red blood cells (RBCs) enabling the cells to carry oxygen and carbon dioxide in the blood (kind of important) - basically it would indicate anemia. My hemoglobins are a little low so we are watching that - they are at an 11 on a scale of 11.7 - 15.5. If they drop to an 8 or lower, I would have to have a blood transfusion. We are not letting that happen. I will find out later today on yesterday's blood draw.

MOM UPDATE

My mom is continuing to make slow progress. But two weeks ago, she had a sudden onset of confusion. It was like she was relapsing and we were concerned. We got her into the doctors and they were as concerned and rushed her over to get an MRI of her brain to make sure she didn't have another stroke. When that came back as stable, they tested blood and urine. She wound up having a pretty bad UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) -sorry TMI and if we had not caught it when we did, she could have gotten even more septic. With some antibiotics, she became less confused. This Thursday, she is finally having surgery to clear her very blocked carotid artery. This is not only what caused the stroke, but what has her walking around like a ticking time bomb, with the possibility of her having another stroke at any moment. There is also a risk that she will stroke during surgery - so we are taking all the positive vibes, prayers and thoughts we can get on April 18th at 12:30pm. The hope is that it will be a successful surgery, the oxygen will start to flow to her brain in great quantity and she will improve even faster!  Yes, fingers, toes, and eyes are crossed!

LOOKING AHEAD

TWO MORE ROUNDS OF CHEMOTHERAPY TO GO. Round 5 in 2 weeks (April 30th), and 3 weeks later, round 6 (May 21st). That puts me at less than 6 weeks (35 days) until this first line of treatment is over. Yes, I am a counter. I love to countdown to things, like my birthday (50 more shopping days), to trips (none planned at this time), and now, my new normal, to chemo... It is just my thing (if you know me - you know). So we count, and we enjoy all the good, the ok and not so bad days, and we push through the bad and awful days. Looking forward to that point where there are more good days than bad and while my live life detour is not over, the road is turning, the sun is shining (well not right now, but it will), and this too shall pass. 

Thanks as always, to all of YOU! My family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and strangers who show kindness and compassion every single day. Who continue to check in on me, sending me love and positive vibes or messages that say; it is ok to not be so brave, it is ok to not be so strong, it is ok to rest and if you do that is not a sign of weakness, but actually a sign of strength, brilliance really (😂), it is smart, because your body is telling you to rest. So listen. Today is a rest day. 💚💚💚💚

Medical Update: I Have a Good Heart!

Quick update, because as my friend said yesterday, "your body is kind of like one big science experiment right now," and it is both fascinating and totally annoying. Sometimes a little scary too.

As you know,  Monday, we (Dana and I) landed in the ER for intense chest pains that radiated up to my ears, jaw, and head. Dr. Google says those symptoms are generally cardiac related.  I had never felt such pain before and breathed through it (in a fetal position) for 40 minutes before it subsided. Once at the hospital, other than dull pain and nausea (also a sign of heart trouble), I was ok. They ran all the tests and my heart was healthy! They said, we do not know what it was, but we know what it wasn't. So off I went thinking that was a "one and done" incident and we may never know what it was. Remy, my chemo nurse said, let's have the doctor see you before round 4 of chemo. Both the ER  doc and Remy said, if the pain returns, go back to the ER.

The week went on as you read in the previous post and yesterday, I woke up feeling a little better. I dragged myself to work (because that is what I do the minute I have any energy - I know, I know). About 2 hours in, just sitting at my desk, the chest pain returned (seriously??). It returned and felt exactly like it did on Monday. Intense, sharp, from the front of my chest to my back and radiating to my ears, jaw, and head. At first, I just put my head down at my desk thinking it would pass quickly. Nope. So with my colleagues there, I got up and walked over to our office couch (yes, we have a couch in our office - it is our "collaborative space"). I laid down and curled up and asked what time it was. I figured if it was like Monday, I had about 40 minutes of intense pain and it would pass. So from that position, I asked them to check with Dr. Google - (do not judge) - I was not going to the ER again. I breathed in and out - it did not make it worse. I coughed, it did not make it worse. I called my sister (also a doctor) and we decided to wait it out. Of course, I did not call Remy, my chemo nurse. He would tell me to go to the ER again. Sure enough, about 40 minutes in, the pain started to become less intense. My colleagues would not let me drive home - so I did not argue and home we went. Once home, I called the doctor's office and asked to have him call me. He was out of the office but they said, Catherine, the nurse practitioner would call me. Meanwhile, I was back to Dr. Google (I am an excellent googler). Everything I read pointed to cardiac issues, except one article about Neulasta - the white blood cell booster they had given me. This article stated, that pain in the sternum could be a side effect of Neulasta, as this area is an area in the body that builds a lot of white blood cells.  Catherine called. We discussed all my symptoms, what meds I was on, what I had eaten, and any other details relevant to this. She said it all seemed to point to cardiac. I mentioned the idea of it being a Neulasta side effect. She said she had never heard of that being a side effect. Since she was not sure what direction to go, she said she was going to call the doctor and get his input as it could be a referred pain. I waited, of course, freaking out a little, now thinking could it be my heart? She called back. She had spoken with the doctor, they reviewed my charts, my medical history, the report from Hoag ER and concurred that this was, in fact, a side effect of Neulasta (THANK YOU DR. GOOGLE). I had been on prednisone until Sunday, which actually also helps with the bone pain and side effects of Neulasta, and having had my first reaction on Monday made sense. They were going to put me back on a low dose of prednisone (goodbye sleep) along with tramadol for the pain for 5 days. Neulasta lasts in your system for 14 days - so I just have to get through until next Wednesday. If my white blood counts are up on Monday, the Neulasta worked. If I can manage the pain, we will continue each round with Neulasta because it is doing its job. If I can't (of course I can - if it is not my heart - I can handle pain), we would go back to the Zarxio - less pain, less white blood cell boost. So my options are, be confined to the house because my white blood cells are so low, I am at severe risk of infection - or intense bone pain (it comes and goes) and good white blood cell counts. Duh! and again....My heart is healthy!!

Thank You, Next.

Yes...Thank You, Next. Moving on...from this past week...

I cannot lie. The last week has been a rough one. Both emotionally and physically. I know I am not dying and I am strong, brave, courageous with a kick-ass attitude. "I got this" -  I am not "the cancer," and yes I will beat this. But unfortunately, some days just SUCK. 

This post is not meant to be a "wah, wah," "pity party" or a "please feel sorry for me" post but more of my own documentation and a bit of therapy as I go through this #livelifedetour. 

Last Tuesday, I completed Round 3 of chemotherapy and for those that follow me on social media,  know that the infusion itself went better than the first two. I left there on Tuesday (only 6.5 hours) with the positive attitude that this was going to be the best round yet. No side effects, no fatigue, just a little rest and we would do it again in a few weeks.  Halfway through, treatment was working, positive outlook, ALL GOOD. If it were just that easy...

Wednesday, I was off to a good start...I walked the dogs, did some light housekeeping and laundry and even did some work. I thought - "I got this." Thursday morning came and again, I walked the dogs and got ready for a visit from my cousin. By noon, my headache began, my energy dropped and I crawled on the couch.  I spent the next two days in a fog of headaches, nausea, and exhaustion. Ok, I thought, two days down and we will be over this. Saturday came, I felt a little better (the fatigue is just always there so you learn to deal with it), so I picked up my mom and headed to the grocery store, CVS, and filled the Jeep with gas. Dropped my mom off, and was exhausted and annoyed that running a few errands wiped me out. I think that is what is most frustrating about all of this. My body. My darn body is not cooperating with me. It is calling the shots and I hate listening to it. So when I refuse to listen, it just lays me down hard so I have no choice. WTF. I am in control, not my body! Sunday was another day home resting but actually got some grading done. 

Fast Forward to Monday, thinking, new day, new week, new ME! Monday, Bloody, Monday - go get my weekly bloodwork done and go to the office. I took the dogs on a slow walk and barely made it home. Around 8am, the intense chest pains and nausea started. I was doubled over trying to breathe through the pain, but it was stabbing and sharp from the front of my chest to my back. Then it traveled up around my head, my ears, and my jaw. WTF - was this really just bad heartburn? But I hadn't eaten much in the last 24 hours. I called my chemo nurse and he said - go to the ER, not Urgent Care, the ER. Ugh, who has time for that? I called my sister and started debating whether we really had to go - maybe it would subside, what an inconvenience, I did not want to bother her. She pretty much said we are going. I will be there in 5 minutes. So I dressed, and we went. I must say, when you have chest pains, they do not mess around. There was no waiting in the ER. Right to the EKG machine, blood draw, temperature, blood pressure and into a room. There I got to put on a pretty gown and a mask (due to my low immune system) and spent the next few hours trying not to vomit. After 4.5 hours, a battery of tests, chest x-rays, and some IV fluids, they determined what it wasn't (my heart was fine), and discharged me with 

"if it happens again, come back." Really exhausted now, I went home, and crawled back on the couch for another 48 hours...

Where did the week go? Is it really Thursday?

Here is what I know. There is no rhyme or reason to how you will feel after each cycle of chemotherapy. You cannot compare last round to this round. Each round and each day brings something new and different. Each cycle also brings more fatigue, more side effects, and yucky taste buds making eating near impossible. I also know that as bad as it gets, it will get better, I just have to ride it out. My problem is I hate the ride, I hate the weakness, I hate not being able to do things. But I also know that when I can sit upright, respond to texts, and send a Snap or two - I am starting to feel better and better days are coming. I know that no matter what, each day, the sun will shine, some days it just takes a little longer to see. and I know that there is a small village (really an army) of loved ones out there just waiting to help and take care of me and I so appreciate that.

Here is what I am learning. I am learning that I have no control right now (seriously annoying). I am learning that I have to stop feeling guilty about laying on the couch when my legs won't hold me up. I am learning that it is ok to lay on the couch and not do work. I am even learning how to binge watch Netflix shows (any suggestions?). I am learning that, right now, I have to take care of myself and stop worrying about everyone else. I am learning to listen to my darn body and rest when it says to rest. Ugh.

Thank you to everyone who has continued to check in on me daily or weekly. Thank you to all who have sent good thoughts on FB, IG, Snaps, cards (snail mail is alive and well). Thank you to all who have dropped off food, walked my dogs or threw balls to Charlie Bear. Thank you, because, it helps - A LOT, it gives me hope and encouragement, and keeps me from shutting off the world when I am feeling so crappy. 

So today is my best day this week. I am sitting up, I ate a power pancake, and I am typing this blog post. Tomorrow will be even better...

Thanks to my cousin for posting this on my FB wall...I need to remember this.

Riding a Rollercoaster

I have always loved rollercoasters. Every time I would ride one, I would say, if I could just have a rollercoaster in my backyard, and start each day with a ride, all my days would be great. I loved the excitement and exhilaration I felt with each ride. Now I am riding a different kind of a rollercoaster,  the rollercoaster of life (with cancer).  I think I want to get off this ride, but I can't, I have to ride it out.

Here is my current rollercoaster ride called Life.

Monday: 
Weekly Bloodwork - Monday, Bloody, Monday

Tuesday Morning:
Follow up visit with Dr. DeVos, UCLA, specialist. This was a good visit. Only took two hours to drive 41 miles (thanks LA traffic and Martha Felix, for being my friend, notetaker, and driver at 6am). I got to see my first PET scan, which lit up like a Christmas tree, showing all the cancerous nodes in my neck, abdomen, and spleen. I have to admit, I am glad I didn't see this any sooner or it would have freaked me out. Dr. DeVos seemed certain that the 2nd scan would show great improvement from 2 cycles of chemotherapy. The very "hot areas" in the scan should be cooler and my very enlarged spleen should be smaller. He had reviewed all the images and biopsies himself and determined that I did have the more aggressive type of cancer. He followed that with "you are on the right path;" and that R-CHOP chemotherapy treatment was an aggressive treatment that should work. I left his office with more information and a certain comfort just knowing that the treatment I was doing was the right one and it should be working. At the same time, it was a little scary to see all the "hot spots" on the scan and realize how much cancer I had in my body - but again - just more information.

Tuesday Afternoon:
On Tuesday afternoons, I call Remy, my chemo nurse, to review my bloodwork from Monday. I am on the phone with him, and he says, "Ok, I am pulling up your labs...your WBC (white blood count) is a little low. 2.6 (normal range is 3.8 -10.8) - this is normal for your WBC to drop. Then I hear, "oh shit," and he says, "your neutrophils (think of these as your baby WBCs) are really low, at 424 (normal range is 1500-7800). They call this Neutropenia when your neutrophils drop below 500, you are at greater risk of infection. ANC (absolute neutrophil count) less than 500 = Severe degree of Neutropenia (indicating a high risk of developing an infection). This was not the news I wanted to hear for several reasons. The biggest reason being that if these counts are low, you have to push the chemo treatment, until they return to normal levels. I am supposed to get chemotherapy every three weeks - and have 70 days until my last treatment. I really want to stay on that schedule. I know I cannot control this, but you know I want to. What does this all mean for day to day living? How can I increase my WBC and ANC (and yes, of course, like education, the medical field has acronym overuse)? Well, I could try to eat more red meat and drink bone broth, but other than rest and staying away from sick people and germs, there is nothing I can really do. My body has to do it. Remember the three injections I got the week before, Zarxio, the bone pain shots? Well, they were supposed to help with this but I found out that Zarxio really only lasts in your body for 24 hours, thus the 3 days of injections. Neulasta, the other type of natural protein known as a granulocyte-colony stimulating factor (or "G-CSF"), lasts in your body for 14 days, but has to be administered 24 hours after chemotherapy and no sooner than 14 days before your next infusion. So, tomorrow I will get blood drawn again to see my levels, and can get another injection of Zarxio on Saturday to help increase my counts. If they do not improve by Monday, no chemo on Tuesday. 

Wednesday: The ride continues...
2nd PET Scan - these scans are really quite fascinating. No eating for 6 hours prior to the scan. You show up to radiology, and first, they insert an IV into your arm and check your blood sugar levels, luckily mine was at a 91, which is a good level, if they are too low, you cannot receive the radiotracer (radioactive sugar) that they inject into your bloodstream. Once they inject this, you are put into a room, labeled radioactive, and covered with warmed blankets, lots of them, lights dimmed, and told to relax and try to sleep (this helps move the tracer through your blood more quickly). You lay there for an hour, and "marinate," as they call it. I plug in my earbuds and put on some meditation and rest. After the hour is up, they move you into the scan room, lay you on the little moveable tube-like bed and ask what kind of music you want to hear. The scan takes about 15-20 minutes, you have your arms over your head, covered with more blankets and are asked not to move, but you can breathe (and the Irvine Hoag has the faster machine - sorry Newport Beach - get up to date).  I did not expect to get the results for days. I was wrong and around 6pm I got a phone call from Dr. Danny Nguyen. He says, your scan results are back. I took a breath....and waited. He said, with excitement in his voice, they state "significant reaction to the treatment!!!"  Several of the lymph nodes have reduced in size!! This is great news! It means the chemotherapy is working and we are kicking cancer's ass!! 👊He follows with, but "there is also a small node at the bottom of your lung, which suggests an infection. We are going to start you on an antibiotic and have you rest." We discuss my bloodwork, and how to deal with that (as mentioned above) and I thank him for the phone call. I share the great news with many of you, and sleep a little better!

Thursday:
Today, the sun is shining. I am staying home and resting (ugh) and breathing a little easier, knowing we are winning this fight right now. This rollercoaster ride has its highs and lows...I am screaming and laughing the whole way. Staying positive!  💚💚💚

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

This week was one of my hardest weeks yet. It got me thinking that I want to share ALL of my journey and not just the good parts. I want to share this with you, not for sympathy or compassion but for the understanding of my real journey and to share my true authentic self. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly...so here goes.

The Good:
When someone asks me "good news or bad news?" I always like to lead with the good news. So let's start there. There is so much good in my life. So much love, kindness, and compassion. As I have said before, the outpouring of support from everyone, even those across the country, has been amazing. My sister, of course, my superpower, is by my side at every turn. My family (cousins and aunts) have been checking in daily, ready and waiting for anything I need. My friends have been there when my sister couldn't be (because she is also taking care of my mom), and sometimes do things for me because I won't ask them to do it myself. My colleagues have been incredibly supportive too. I have amazing neighbors, who have made it known that they are (physically) the closest to me and although they know I have a great support team, they are right across the street. My girlfriends (high school and college) in NY are on standby to fly out and take care of me (love you, girls) and then there are people that I don't know as well, who still offer to drive me places, bring me dinner, or walk my dogs. I could go on, but you get the point - I have an incredible team around me. 

More Good:
I always like to look for the silver linings...here are a few that I have noticed.

• Perspective - something like "cancer" really puts life into perspective. All the little things you stressed about, are little now and really don't matter anymore. That is so freeing.
• Connections - I have connected and reconnected with so many people in ways I may never have. I am so much more vulnerable and compassionate than ever before.
• Authenticity - I am trying to be my true authentic self (even down to my Bitmoji). Going through this makes you want to be yourself. No time for anything else. No reason for anything else.

The Bad:
Monday was 8 weeks since I first heard the "news."  The past 2 months have been filled with denial, disbelief, anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, love, laughter, hope, strength, courage and bravery. Yes, an emotional rollercoaster. Overall, I really AM strong, positive, and hopeful.  However, those other emotions are there too. People ask me all the time, "how are you so positive about this?" and my response is "how can I not be?" and I truly meant that. What good will it do me to curl up in a ball and cry? As I say, the "only way out is through..." so to get out, I must keep moving through. You cannot do that if you give up. That being said, it is not all rainbows and butterflies (or puppy dogs). I choose to not share my emotional rollercoaster on social media (but I am sharing it here). That said, there are days that curling up in a ball and crying is exactly what I do - for about 5 minutes...luckily Charlie, Samson, and Gracie, always gather around me and lay on me and start licking me, who can keep crying with "200 pounds of lab" lovin' on you - so I get up and carry on. Some days, I am afraid of the unknown, worried about being vulnerable, frustrated by my physical weakness, and worried about letting people down, but those days pass too. The bad is bad, but it passes and the sun rises and a new day begins. Thank god for new days. Better days. Sunny days.

The Ugly:
Ok..well although I have been known to overshare - I will not do that here (well, not really). I will say that you should know how "out of control" my body is and the side effects of strong chemotherapy are like a moving target changing daily and weekly...if you are really curious as to what that means, here is a great infographic - luckily, I do not have ALL of those side effects at the same time...none of them are fun, but they are my reality. If you know me at all, control is something I like. I like to control my world, my life, my food, my workouts, sometimes even my friends and family (haha - if you are laughing, you know me well.) So, having NO control is one of the most frustrating parts of this whole cancer thing. Having to rest (ugh) is such a struggle, and I fight it. The irony here is that if I would give in to it and crawl into bed or lay on the couch more, I would probably get through it much quicker. But for now, my body basically has to take all the power away from me to the point where I can barely stand for 5 minutes, and then I lay down. 

Today is a good day. The sun is shining. I am not on the couch.

#f#@kcancer, #myssisterismysuperpower, #bebrave #mylivelifedetour #thegoodthebadtheugly 

Thank You for Helping Alice Return to Wonderland - Support for my mom

My incredible friends started this GoFundMe for my mom. I am beyond grateful for all of you who have so generously contributed to support my mom. I will not lie, it has been a struggle to deal with my own battle with cancer as well as the added stress of taking care of my mom.  At times, it is so overwhelming, I have to step outside, feel the sun on my face and remind myself that at this very moment, I am ok. Another moment passes, and I am still ok. I do not have to know what tomorrow will bring, I just have to get through today.

As we say, the only way out of this is through....so we trudge through the thick of it each day. Luckily, we are lifted up and carried by all of you - all of your support, your love, and your prayers.

We appreciate all of you and could not make it THROUGH without YOU... 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Here is the link to the GoFundMe. Thank you.

Expanding My Team - UCLA Health

As they say, it takes a "village," and while I have a healthy tribe of supporters sending love, positive vibes and prayers on a daily basis, I also recently expanded my team of doctors.

Last Wednesday, the day after chemo, Dana and I drove (more like crawled) to Los Angeles to meet with a specialist from UCLA.  This was at the request of my current oncologist,  who wanted me to get a second opinion. The specialist, Dr. Sven DeVos,  specializes in lymphoma and bone marrow transplants. I really respect my oncologist for wanting me to see someone who has more experience than him. He said, "we need this guy in our back pocket, in case the chemotherapy doesn't work." He went on to say that UCLA has access to treatments that Hoag doesn't like Car-T-Cell Therapy (even though I have a B-Cell Lymphoma this is a similar therapy that may work).

Our appointment with Dr. DeVos went well. He shared his thoughts on the current reports from all my scans and biopsies. and then went on to say that that was not good enough. He appreciated reading the other radiologists' and pathologists' reports but wanted to see the actual scans and biopsies for himself. He wanted his "world-renowned" (or whatever word he used to insinuate that his pathologists were better) to view the images and biopsies and write their own reports, he wanted to see everything for himself. This is a good thing. He explained that while I do have Stage 4 Follicular Lymphoma - there are also various types, low-grade and more aggressive. He thinks I am on the brink of a low-grade and aggressive type of lymphoma (between 3A and 3B) - but wants to know for sure. I want to know as well. One of the first things he suggested was that we repeat the  PET-Scan prior to  Cycle 3 of chemotherapy. If it is the low-grade type, the PET-Scan will show that a lot of the cancer cells have already been killed by the first two cycles of chemotherapy (yay!). Then cycles 3-6 would just go deeper and kill the rest. If the PET- Scan board lights up, then we know we are dealing with a more aggressive type and can change course, if needed.

As for the idea of a bone marrow transplant, that is the last resort - something we would only do in certain circumstances. There are other treatments that we would turn to if chemotherapy doesn't work or if cancer returns in less than 2 years. It is not returning, trust me. It is not welcome back in my body.

I am having the PET-Scan next week, started the Immunity booster hormone shots (not currently working as I am so sick), and will return to see Dr. DeVos next Tuesday, March 12th. Will update you afterward.  Stay tuned.....#Teammishne! #livelifedetour #bebrave #f@ckcancer

Be Brave, Be Strong, Be Fearless...

Round Two Chemotherapy
Tuesday, February 26th was my second round of chemotherapy. We did things a little differently so that we could have less adverse reactions than we did with round one. No prednisone during the day of chemo and took Ativan to relax me beforehand. A typical infusion rate of R-Chop is 6-7 hours. Round 1 took 12.5 hours, but round 2, we finished in 7.5 hours! Great improvement. We had 2 different adverse reactions, the first being heavy chest and shortness of breath with lower back pain, they slowed the drip down and it went away. A little later, I started sneezing and head got super congested, again slowed the drip down and that decreased. It is like a moving target in my body as the drugs flow through my veins. The day actually goes really fast as there are so many moving parts and distractions. Dana and I manage to entertain ourselves as I never can just fall asleep. Pacific Shores Oncology is an awesome place if you have to go to a place like this. The staff is really amazing and so helpful. Some of my favorites are Remy, Shawna, and Tammy and of course Dr. Danny. But they are really all wonderful. Thank you for taking such great care of me.

Dynamic Duo

Each round, Dana and I wear different shirts with sayings on them. (It is just our thing 😏).

• Round 1: I am, I can, I will, I do (inspired by Peloton Instructor)
• Round 2: Be Brave, Be Strong, Be Fearless 

***For those interested in the type of chemotherapy I am having (I am learning so much right now), below is the name and breakdown of the chemo cocktail.

R-CHOP is used to treat non-Hodgkin lymphoma (NHL). 

CHOP comes from the initials of the drugs used:

• R – rituximab  (Rituximab is not a chemotherapy drug. It is a targeted therapy and belongs to a group of drugs called monoclonal antibodies. -This is the drug that gives me the most trouble - part human/part mouse antibody - ya think?? Of course, my body is rejecting it - it has part mouse antibody in it for god's sake - ew.)

• C – cyclophosphamide

Red Devil

• H – doxorubicin (hydroxydaunomycin) -(also known as the "red devil" - goes in red, comes out red and is the CAUSE of hair loss - thank you, NOT) 

• O – vincristine (Oncovin®)

• P – prednisolone (a steroid) - At 100 mg a day, I hate this, makes me super hyper, amped and difficult to sleep) - take this orally for 5 days each chemo cycle.

#f#@kcancer

Peace!

Quick Update: Today, I went back for Injection 1 of 3 of Zarxio (do not read the side effects - I don't). Zarxio is a man-made form of granulocyte colony-stimulating factor (G-CSF) called filgrastim. G-CSF is a natural substance produced by the body. The purpose of G-CSF is to stimulate the growth of neutrophils, a type of white blood cell important in the body's fight against infection. My neutrophils keep dropping - they come back but when they drop it is lower than they prefer. The biggest side effect I will have is that it will cause my bones to ache. Whose bones don't ache at 52?  Injection 2 and 3 - Friday and Saturday!! And now, I am done educating you people for today! #lifelonglearner